Kill the Ugg Boot Socialist Pigs!!

There are just some things in this world that make me want to find some innocent prep, break her arm off, and beat her with the bloody stub. Ugg boots are definitely one of them.

So, here's the deal. I'm chillin' in my political science class, thoroughly enjoying a discussion on capitalism vs. socialism, when some idiot completely RUINS the intelligent energy flowing about the room with this question: "So, like, uh, what is capitalism again?"

WTF?!? ARE YOU FREAKIN' AMERICAN?!?

Oh, of course she's American. She watches the Miss America pageant right? She mindlessly upholds to America's freakishly disturbing ideals on beauty. And, just like the average American girl, her mind is much too feeble and focused on the more womanly things in life (e.g. totally dreamy babes and if her super-cute pores are clean) to understand 'manly' things such as politics.

But, this isn't the end of it, folks. No, here's the real reason she asked such a stupid question: she was wearing a mini-skirt, ugg boots, and a Northface jacket.
Once again, a mindless pawn of the all-knowing fashion industry has been converted to SOCIALISM!!

Yeah, don't believe me, huh? Well, think about it. If the communists were going to target people in America, it would be the plebs, those mindless, hopeless nitwits that unfortunately take up the majority of the U.S. That would mean the thugs, the pregnant teenagers, the MTV groupies, and yes, those freeze-dried yuppies that somehow managed to NOT DIE in the 80's. Why the yuppies, you say? Why not just the thugs? Easy--the yuppies are preppy rich kids who will buy in to any stupid trend going on. That means the communists would simply have to tap into our biggest industries--fashion, music, anything pop culture. Then, subliminally convert them all into socialists! Notice, my friends, how the yuppie-pretty-girl did not ask what socialism was! It was the idea of capitalism that baffled her!

That would explain her skewed fashion sense: ugg boots and a mini skirt? On that day, it was about 30 degrees. Was she confused? Obviously, this is a cruel (but funny) prank by the communists to see just how much they can get away with. But, we can't get good humor get in the way of the direness of the situation! The communists are once again trying to do us from within! One day its Ugg Boots, the next its the Red Scare Part II!

So watch out for these people: they are most likely part of a sorority affectionately entitled "Kappa Delta Look-At-Me!" and think they look "like-totally-super-awesome!" in ugg boots. Kill them, for they are the enemy.